Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
