I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
