successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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