I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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