This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
