yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
