With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
