Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
