It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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