i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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