I want to walk on stilts...naked
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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