Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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