"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
