I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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