I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
