Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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