don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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