I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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