There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
