I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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