There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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