Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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