her facebook's as public as her vagina
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
