This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
