I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
