I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
