I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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