Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
