speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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