If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
