Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
