fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
