you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
