Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
