4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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