why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
