He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
