He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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