I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
