People with herpes should wear stickers.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
