elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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