wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
