I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
