I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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