so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
