I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
