every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
