Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
