yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
