dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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