he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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