ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Operation Purity has been aborted
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
