this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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