You smell like stripper and shame
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
