I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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