There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
