turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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