mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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