So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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