mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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