Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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