I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You were trust falling into bushes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
