I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
