My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
