When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
