when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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